#Ghosting

image

Sometimes known as the “slow fade”. Ghosting refers to the pervasive act where one date ends a relationship by simply disappearing. The ghost does not give an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering where he or she went wrong.

Apparently this is the new way to break up with someone. <insert wtf face here> I swear, in this day and age, dating is getting more and more crazy town. Have we gotten so far removed from reality that it’s ok to just disappear from someone?  Why can’t we just say “I’m not into you”?

I mean, there’s definitely a difference between ghosting someone you’ve been out with a few times and ghosting someone you’ve only spoken to a few times on a dating app.  If you haven’t invested any time with them, then ghosting isn’t a real problem….But if you’ve been out more than a few times, talked/texted every day and you just disappeared??  You’re an asshole…period.

image

 

So dating in 2015 = no commitment, enough genitalia pics to write a coffee table book and now ghosting. <sigh>

Looking back on my tinder days, I realize that I’ve ghosted a few guys.  Yeah, I’m guilty. Who wouldn’t be? Swipe left, swipe right.  You’re a match!! Then what?? You chit chat for a little bit. Good convo? If you’re lucky…yes. If not…ghost em. Simple as that. You don’t know these people. You haven’t exchanged numbers. You haven’t gone out two or three times. So you’re not invested. Not a big deal if you ghost them or they happen to ghost you. You have to understand that at this point, there are no feelings involved. You’re just enjoying the thrill of the chase. You probably wouldn’t even notice. Why? Because you’re too busy having 10 other convos at the same time. You never stopped swiping. That app is such a great distraction. 90% of the people are just looking to hook up and won’t even bat an eyelash if they never hear from you again.

So what happens when you’ve been seeing someone for a little more than a minute?  It doesn’t really matter where you met. The difference, this time, is you took the time to get to know each other. You probably exchanged numbers. Started texting daily in the hopes of learning more. Being curious as to what they sound like on the phone. Listening to the first voicemail that was left (~ I never answer the phone the first time someone new calls….I want to know what they sound like)  Then what happens?  You meet.  You laugh, you drink, you realize this isn’t half bad. I can go out with him again. I mean he seems nice.  Tall, good looking, great smile, not too serious….I could go on.  He calls the next day to check in.  We make plans to meet again.  We see each other about once a week for a few months.  Things seem to be progressing nicely.  We’ve come to the point when we should decide if we should be exclusive.  Then the first text goes unanswered.  Then the second…not a word, a peep, a smoke signal…nada.  Since I’m not a believer in chasing men, I do nothing.  I won’t call/text like a psycho.  I won’t show up at your door/job unannounced.  I’ll become just like you….a ghost.

image

So what happens next? You pick your heart up off the floor and move on.  Either they come back from the dead or they don’t.  If I put you in the “asshole” box…chances are I’ve already blocked you.  I would never know if you tried to contact me again.  Which is perfect.

Ghosting is the type of thing that can turn a girl who believes in love into a jaded girl who doesn’t really believe in anything anymore.  So protect your hearts ladies and gents.  This crazy thing called love is turning out to be a very bumpy ride….

xoxo ~ D

Tags: , , , , ,

19 Responses to “#Ghosting”

  1. SamanthaOctober 20, 2015 at 9:26 am #

    This is a really great post! I hate how common this has become. I’m guilty of ghosting a few guys after our first date (usually because it went bad) or after they repeatedly bother me through text message.

    • Doris MartinOctober 20, 2015 at 10:20 am #

      Thank you!!! I know exactly what you mean :)

  2. MelissaOctober 20, 2015 at 10:15 pm #

    I can’t believe people would do that! But I guess that people just fear confrontation and so it’s easier to just avoid. But really people, have a conversation.

    • Doris MartinOctober 21, 2015 at 6:13 am #

      Absolutely!! Something as simple as talking could make things a lot easier

  3. JennyOctober 20, 2015 at 11:12 pm #

    Man, I can’t believe this has become such a big thing.
    I’ve definitely gone on a date with a guy before and didn’t feel a spark so just let it be…but I’d never drag it out longer than that especially if we’re getting a little more serious.
    So messed up =[

    xoxo, Jenny

    • Doris MartinOctober 21, 2015 at 6:11 am #

      I agree completely

  4. LeahOctober 22, 2015 at 9:07 am #

    Great post! I was just talking to someone about ghosting. I’m married but I can see that dating would be super hard in 2015

    • Doris MartinOctober 22, 2015 at 11:11 pm #

      Thank you!! Dating in 2015 is beyond hard!! So many rules…

  5. LuzOctober 23, 2015 at 8:19 am #

    Maybe the persons just not that in to you and you’ve mistaken their feelings as yours. Unless, your exclusive and have been dating steady, I feel no explanation is needed. Hell, them not saying anything at all.. Should be explanation enough. Hense, the reason I don’t date off apps.

    • Doris MartinOctober 23, 2015 at 12:13 pm #

      Thx! Ghosting is something that can happen to people regardless of where they met. Just happens to seem to be more frequent during this dating age

  6. LuzOctober 23, 2015 at 12:56 pm #

    Touche! What’s meant to be will be.

  7. Melissa FranzenOctober 27, 2015 at 11:57 pm #

    I didn’t realize this was a thing! I can’t believe how inconsiderate people are becoming. How hurtful.

    • Doris MartinOctober 28, 2015 at 8:40 am #

      Crazy right?! A lot of times I feel like society no longer has human decency…

  8. Emily RoseOctober 28, 2015 at 6:11 pm #

    I agree about ghosting making you an ass hole. But where is the line that says now you need to explain why you don’t want to talk anymore and when is it okay to ghost? I believe in being respect no matter how little time is invested. I mean really dating apps and dating sites are a bit different, but if you really meet someone and go out more than once, than I don’t think it’s right to ghost them. It does leave someone with a bad feeling and wondering what they did wrong or why. I would prefer to at least hear from that person that I won’t be hearing from them anymore and if they really don’t want to explain or talk about why then oh well at least they said good-bye or fuck off, whatever. At least they told me.

    • Doris MartinOctober 28, 2015 at 10:31 pm #

      Thx! I agree…if you take the time to meet someone, respect them enough & tell them you’re not interested.

  9. Jenn @ The Art of BetterJanuary 14, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

    Jesus- what kind of terrible human being does that to someone they’ve been dating. ugh.

    • Doris MartinJanuary 15, 2016 at 7:24 am #

      Crazy right? I have to believe that there’s a special place for people that are so unkind….

  10. RhiJanuary 15, 2016 at 5:25 pm #

    Ghosting sounds awful.

  11. JessicaJanuary 17, 2016 at 4:59 pm #

    Oh I remember ghosting all to clearly. Dating nowadays is so complicated and sometimes awful all because people don’t have the balls to say that they are not into you. Best of luck out in that wild world of dating. Don’t give up-there are good people out there!

Leave a Reply