Happiness

IMG_2983What does it mean exactly?  Is this a word that’s defined by how much money we have?  Maybe it’s about the number of followers we have on our social media accounts.  Or maybe, it’s the amount of messages we have on our online dating profiles. Personally, I don’t think it’s any of these….

All I’ve ever wanted was to just be happy.  I mean, who doesn’t?  Not necessarily needing the perfect life…just the perfect life for me. From the day I separated from my husband and filed for divorce, I didn’t date.  That’s right…I was alone for almost three years.  Why? A few reasons.  I felt guilty for leaving.  I had two kids, was pregnant with a third and had no freaking clue what the next day would bring.  I thought I would never be good enough for anyone again.  I was a basketcase.  I had to rediscover myself.  I literaly had to learn how to laugh again.  Also, I wanted to make sure the ink was actually dry on my paperwork.  I didn’t want to tell potential suitors that I was “in the process” of getting divorced.  

I used to spend my days searching for happiness.  How soon would I find it?  I knew a few people that ended their marriage and they were shacking up with someone else within weeks sometimes days.  There are also people that leave their marriage, hook up and parade a new person in front of their ex.  And when they realize how much they stand to actually lose & that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…they beg their ex to take them back.  And what happens??  If the ex is weak and “ball-less” (referring to either male or female) they do.  And thus continuing the cycle of a miserable relationship. So I wondered, what does it mean to truly find happiness??  

I don’t know about you, but some days, I wake up fucking exhausted.  Without the strength to even open my eyelids. Wondering what role I would have to play that day.  Will I have to be Super Mom, doting girlfriend, employee of the year or can I actually just “be me” for five minutes??  Think about it.  How exhilerating would it be if you didn’thave to prove your self worth all the damn time?  Would you smile more?  Actually enjoy life?

Here’s the problem: We are constantly trying to prove to everyone that we matter.  All day every day.  Whether it’s to your boss, your kids, or whoever you’re trying to impress at the moment.  Why do we continue to do that? Can’t we just be content with who we are and what we actually have?   We should be able to wake up in the morning and attack the day like nobody’s business.  Not really worryng if we’ll be accepted or not.

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Why do we have to continue to play the game in order to make it through the day? My response….Fuck it!  Shit, I know I’m not perfect.  I know that no matter how hard I try, someone will always be dissatisfied. 

Have fun, laugh loudly and dance often. (dancing in the rain is freaking amazeballs) If all the laundry’s not done and put away, who gives a flying frickety frack?!  If you order dinner out because you don’t have time to cook, it’s not the end of the world.  Just tell the kids they’re having a treat for dinner if you feel guilty.

Happiness is a choice.  I’ve learned that the only thing I have total control of is me.  I choose to be happy every day.  Everything else will fall into place.  So when you ask yourself: Why can’t “being me” be enough?~~~the answer is: It is!! All you have to do is believe that you are 🙂

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xoxo ~ D

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