Do you need some time all alone?
Everybody needs some time on their own.
Don’t you know you need some time all alone…
~ November Rain, Guns ‘N Roses
Are you lonely?
Think about that question for a minute…..
Now this time answer it…honestly.
Are you lonely?
I am…..at times. But, then again, who isn’t?
There are days when I would kill to have an intellectual conversation with someone.
Other days, I just want to be left alone.
By definition – loneliness is sadness because one has no friends or company.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
~ I have a huge family. Tons of friends and acquaintances. There’s never a shortage of people around.
But sometimes, I can feel like there’s no one on the entire planet that can “get” the way I’m feeling.
Don’t get me wrong, I can be chatty Kathy. I’m always ready to meet new people and have conversations. I’m friendly, outgoing and I can play the game. If you don’t know me, you’d never know what was going on in my life. Why? Because I’d never tell you.
But if we’re friends, or more than friends, you’d be able to see the subtle signs I give off. But only a select few will know exactly what’s going on.
~ I’m super private and keep me inner circle small ~
Every day, we’re just going through the motions trying to be better people (at least that’s what I’m doing). But where are we going exactly? What’s the point of accepting everything if I still feel lonely?
No matter how happy and easy going I am, life still finds a way to kick me in the ass. Some signs are as subtle as spilling coffee on my new shoes when I have a meeting to get to. Others are huge like getting involved with yet another emotionally unavailable man. When he disappears, I’m left wondering what went wrong because I couldn’t see the freaking writing on the wall….AGAIN…
Which then sends me spiraling into the no one understands anything mood. Which can make me a negative Nelly.
Why can’t we just become the person we are on the inside? You know, the one you try to hide from everyone else because you’re afraid of what they’ll think of you.
I don’t necessarily care what people think. Ever. But I do know there’s a time and a place for everything.
Should we be doomed to live a life of unimportance because we’re trying to please the wrong people? Should I be searching for closure every time I get “ghosted” by someone I trusted? Should I continue to toss and turn at night because I’m running through every damn conversation in my head searching for a clue about what went wrong?
Why do I put myself through these things??
Because I’m human.
I allow myself to feel every heartbreak. Every piece of laughter. Every ounce of pain. That’s the only way that I can truly experience this thing called life.
I believe in the secret. The power of reflection. It’s not bad to feel lonely, sad, upset, or depressed every once in a while. But if that’s ALL we think about, then that’s what we’ll be: sad, depressed, lonely & upset. We should be more than that. Why throw all that shit into the universe if you don’t have to? Your whole life could be a monumental train wreck, but it’s up to you to change it. You can either do nothing or fix it. Period. Those are the only two choices.
Maybe the Cinderella ending I’m hoping for isn’t going to happen. Maybe you won’t get that new job. Maybe the house you have your eye on will go under contract to someone else. Maybe things are gonna suck for a little while longer.
That’s ok….what’s your back up? Do you have one?
Think about it.
Make a list of what you want out of life and go get it! Why?? Because no one else will. You have an obligation to yourself to be happy. Be selfish. Be unapologetic.
I can only take one day at a time.
Take everything for what it’s worth.
Cultivate the relationships around you.
Everything else will fall into place.
xo ~ D