Whew…that word can mean so many different things. Some days I don’t even know which version I want to believe. Are we searching for something that doesn’t really exist? Why is love so elusive???
I want total consuming love. I want to love someone I can’t live without. Someone who accepts me for all of my quirkiness and insecurities. Lets me be me. Will I burst into song in the middle of a conversation because it reminds me of the situation? Probably. I haven’t mastered the art of laughing on the inside yet. I have a loud Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman, laugh that I don’t think I can ever change.
First and foremost, I’m a Mom. Period. My kiddos are my first priority. So I won’t be traipsing them around different men just cuz. I’m a package deal – it’s me plus three. Take it or leave it. I wonder how many more frogs I have to go through though. Is it wrong to want to have butterflies every time you look at your soulmate? I want to be with someone who can still make me blush with one look. Someone who can keep me laughing.
So that got me thinking. The couples I see that have been together for what seems like forever….Are they still together because they’re actually in love, or are they still together out of convenience? If they’re together out of convenience, then they’ll never have a happily ever after. Right??
I’m sure you know exactly what I mean when I say the couples who stay together out of convenience. If not, let me explain. The one’s who stay together because of the kids or because they’re afraid they’ll never find anyone else. The ones that stay together because of money or because they know no one else will put up with their bullshit. The girls that fill your timeline with pics/posts to tell you how happy they are in their relationships. It’s as if they’re trying to prove something to themselves. Guys don’t do that shit. But if you follow them and their boyfriends/husbands on social media, you get a double dose…..Why you ask?? Because the insecure wife/girlfriend posts that shit on their pages also. As if to say: “Hey, hey, look over here…..we’re happy!” Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit….no one believes you.
That being said, what does a single gal like me do? Should I be looked at differently because I decided to inconvenience myself? I decided that being with someone who’s honest, respectful and has great moral character is more important than having a plus one. Should I be chastised and pitied based on that decision alone? To me, the status of being in a relationship is less important than the happily ever after part.
So now what? Should I even bother looking? In which direction should I be searching? There’s good on paper guy. You know him: great job, retirement package, big house…blah, blah, blah. Then there’s night life guy. Always ready for happy hour or dinner. Likes to go dancing or to concerts. The great Dad guy is always ready to do kid stuff, makes me laugh and is super supportive. The problem? I want all of those versions wrapped into one. I love a man in a suit, crisp shirt, cuff links, no tie….perfection. But I also love guys who sport the laid back look. Sports jerseys, jeans, t-shirts, sperrys….
I had that kind of love once….a very long time ago. Not sure if I’ll ever find it again. So for now, I’m not looking for love. But if it comes by….I’m available. xoxo ~ D