As another Valentine’s Day comes to a close. I sit back and wonder: After all that’s happened.
Why am I still an eternal optimist when it comes to falling in love?
But I still believe in the happily ever after.
Sometimes I think I’m just a glutton for punishment. I mean, who wants to go through all of that drama time and time again in the hopes of finally being happy?
::sigh:: I would. I mean, I really could do without the drama. But the happy stuff?? Sign me up!!
I know, I know. At this stage of the game, I might be better off if I just cut my losses and stayed in my current situation.
And who could blame me if I decided to do just that??
– No one –
I’m like a magnet for cheaters, men who don’t know what they want, men that don’t want a commitment and assholes in general. You name it and I’ve probably heard from them. Been attracted to them. Loved them. Cried for them. Maybe I’m not a magnet per say…but it sure as heck seems like it. Most of the time, that is. I’m not sure if I give off some sort of pheromone that screams: apply only if you have tons of drama.
Maybe I should create a new scent called Eau de Drame?! ::hahaha::
But love. Love is that one emotion that’s totally free to give and receive.
There’s nothing like feeling strong arms pull you close. That playful stare that only the two of you understand. The goosebumps that run through your body with just one touch. The caresses. The pet names. The feeling of safety when you’re lying in his arms.
Ohhhh l’amour est très belle!!!
You see…that’s why I can’t give up on it. I long to feel that happiness again. I crave it.
Like I can’t be doomed to live the single life forever.
I’ve been lied to, cheated on, emotionally abused and threatened.
~ see what I mean…a magnet for drama ~
My survival usually depended on what was really going on at the time. Weighing my options on whether to stay or go. Taking a lot of bad because I saw a tiny bit of good. I basically didn’t know my worth. I had a hard time getting out of my own way. I was a hot mess.
Oy. The struggle can be brutal.
But all of those are just bumps in the road….right? Tiny diversions. I hope they’re just steps I have to go through that’ll get me to the end result.
Do you know how much love I have to give??
Do you know how much love I’m open to receiving?
I always wear my heart on my sleeve. Which can sometimes be an issue. I love hard. I’m unapologetic. I’m honest. I’m genuine. I truly believe that you accept the love you think you deserve.
::sigh:: ~ Which is why I’m currently divorced.
The love I had was no where near what I deserved ~ but that’s a story for another day….
Needing nothing more.
The two of us would make each other whole.
Conquering the world together.
Completely in love and in lust with each other.
At the end of the day, that’s what we all want.
I’ll keep you posted…
xo ~ D