So let’s just get this part out of the way before we start. The view towards those that try online dating is a bit negative. When I said I would try Tinder after a few friends suggested it, the questions and statements that were being asked and said were a bit unerving. I was asked if I was desperate (not the case). A lot of people said “I would never do that”….well good for you.
Here’s the deal, I’m a single girl in a dating scene that’s full of technology. It’s highly unlikely that I’m going to meet my soulmate in a supermarket parking lot…but anything’s possible. But when you’re looking for someone, we tend to look with blinders on. Everyone has their own list. Mine? Usually begins like this: tall (I’m almost 5’9″ and I wear heels – I don’t mind if you’re shorter than me…but I’m not giving up my heels), good looking (who doesn’t want to be with someone good looking…you don’t have to be Brad Pitt, but you have to have something physical that I find attractive. Whoever says they don’t care about physical attraction is lying), must have a job (I don’t think I need to explain that one), must have good charachter (that goes without explanation also). Online dating gives you the opportunity to give someone a chance that you wouldn’t normally see. So to the coupled up people out there that choose to throw shade in the way of those that are just trying to find their plus one….you may end up single and have to sign up yourself up. Karma’s a bitch.
To Tinder or not to Tinder? A year ago, I heard about this app for singles. All you had to do was swipe left for “no” and right for “yes”. If you both swipe right then you’re a match. If that happens, then you can send messages to each other…even share pictures (the app calls them “moments”). The other day I was listening to a satelite radio and they literally called it the “swipe and bang” app. I remember thinking: it can’t be that bad. So when a few friends suggested that I actually try it”for real”….I figured why not. I am on a roller coaster journey through the single life. I downloaded the app, had to connect via facebook (ugh), add profile pic, write a little something about myself and what I’m looking for (which is what exactly? Do I even know?)…and submit….
This isn’t so bad. Left, right, left, right. It’s as if one person wrote most of these profiles. Apparently height and weight are very important. Some guys are looking to meet new people (what does that mean?). Everyone else is looking for a relationship and not a hookup. Left, right, left, right, right, right….MATCH!! The feeling you get as you watch your pic and someone else’s pic click together with the words: It’s A Match underneath is like being picked for the kickball team first.
Let the convos begin. A lot of small talk. Hi. How are you? What do you do for work/fun? If you hit it off, you exchange numbers and take it from there. Weeding through the bullshit can be a bit difficult. Did I mention a lot of them are 420 friendly? I’m not, so my pool of eligible men was smaller. A lot of men are looking for a wam bam thank you ma’am. I think since they’re so quick to put it out there, a lot of women are agreeing to it. I respect myself and my body so much. I’m definitely not the hook up kind of girl. That being said, I did receive enough pics of men’s genitalia to write a coffee table book for women.
Needless to say, I did meet a few guys. There was the pot head (I didn’t know he was one until he was sitting accross from me). I already had plans that evening, but he wanted to meet a few hours before I had to go out. I agreed. I arrived at the bar first, he was runnng late so I grabbed a booth and ordered a drink. Forty minutes later he arrived…I’m on drink number 2. He asks for a glass of water and gulps it down as if he had just spent a year in the dessert and that was his first drink. So he tells me that he usually has cotton mouth and has to drink lots of water all day long. Why you ask? Because he smokes so much weed during the day that his mouth is always dry…what the fuck did I just get myself into? On to the next. The one I never met. This guy was a real nut job. He texted me one night at like 2 in the morning and said he would give me $500 dollars if I called him within 15 minutes of his text. Really?! So he asks to meet me for dinner. I showed up, went inside the restaurant and he decided to drive off. Had the nerve to text me and say that he’s sorry, he didn’t think I’d like him because he was overweight, and that he had a lot of issues….ya think? I cursed him slap the fuck out. How do you know that I wouldn’t give you a chance when you didn’t respect me enough to meet me? Then there was the music guy. He was a nice one. We talked on the phone a few times and he seemed normal. I’m not really into infinite texting. I want to know what your voice actually sounds like. We decided to meet. We seemed to hit it off. There was none of that dead airspace while you’re searching for something to say. We laughed, had fun, had great conversation….all in all good first date. Will I see him again? Maybe…maybe not.
Will I continue with this app? Nope. I have no desire to keep receiving dick pics from men I don’t know. It’s just not for me. However, everyone’s experience will be different. Just remember: don’t compromise your beliefs and values for anyone. Be careful and always tell one person where you are. Just in case. I’m continuing on my journey with an open mind and an open heart. I’m not settling….
xoxo ~ D